Writing - Part 1 - C1 Advanced (CAE) - Practice, Write & Improve
Exam Question:
Type: Essay
| Your class viewed a documentary on the negative effects of global tourism.
You have created the following list of areas impacted by tourism:
Some of the opinions expressed in a documentary: Excessive tourism may have an impact on wildlife and nature. |
Write an essay discussing only two points. You should explain which point is more important, giving reasons in support of your answer.
Student's Answer:
“Travelling has become a notably prominent and admired activity by many in the recent years especially taking into account the isolation, which the Covid virus kept us in for an unbearable amount of time.
The alienation from the social activities and travel, which quarantine enabled, has resulted in various countries´economy contingent on tourism delapidate. If you ever visited a coastal country such as Egypt, you may be familiar with their way of life and how they earn a living. Coupled with bargaining, Egyptians are also well known for being fiercely resilient. That is to say, they will insist on you staying in the vicinity of their shop until you puchase one of their products. This may sound importunate, nevertheless, costumers are the most prominent aspect in their life providing that tourism is what they derive their revenue from.
Taking into consideration the latter, if we fly to a place which is so tremendously dependent on our visit, we will be able to reconsider our view of the world. Most importantly to be able to derive a new outlook, which allows us to sympathize with other cultures, rather than to judge them.
Even if one doesn´t posess money to fly abroad, there are many options available today, which encourage us to travel consistently, get to know stangers and gain a better understanding and empathy from this experience. As is stated in my first point, it is essential to consider how much tourism influences economy in more destitute countries.”
Feedback:
Travelling has become a notably prominent and admired activity by many (verbose/evaluative language) in recent years especially taking into account the (formal expressions) isolation, which (subordinate clauses) the Covid virus kept us in for an unbearable amount of time.
The introduction appropriately informs the reader about the theme of the essay.
It is important to begin by acknowledging that..(introduce paragraphs) the alienation (nouns) from social activities and travel, which quarantine enabled, (non-restrictive clauses) has resulted in (indirect language) various countries´economy contingent on tourism delapidate being dilapidated. (complex ideas are communicated) If you ever visited a coastal country such as Egypt, you may be familiar with (do not address the reader directly/ use indirect forms =>) Based on the example of coastal countries such as Egypt, their way of life and how they earn a living can serve as an appropriate example. Coupled with bargaining, Egyptians are also well known for being fiercely resilient. (passive voice) That is to say, (transitional words) they will insist on you a traveller staying in the vicinity of their shop (formal style/nouns) until you he or she puchase one of their products. This (relationship is indicated) may sound importunate, nevertheless,(interrupters) costumers ??? are the most prominent aspect in their life providing that tourism is what they derive their revenue from. (advanced vocabulary)
Arguments and ideas are complex, elaborate and presented in sufficiently advanced language;
- avoid personal and direct language (WE, YOU) it is not appropriate; write from a third person perspective Formal & Informal Style (video)
Taking into consideration (formal expressions) the latter, (referential words) if we one flies to a place which is so tremendously dependent on our his or her visit, we the visitor will be able to reconsider our his or her view view of the world. (simple conditionals) Most importantly (formal expressions) to be able to derive a new outlook, (relevant expressions) which (relative pronouns) allows to sympathize with other cultures, rather than judge them.
The candidate used a suitable style and register for the task and genre.
All things considered, (introduce paragraphs) even if one doesn´t does not (use long forms) posess money to fly abroad, there are many options available today, which (relative pronouns) encourage us people to travel consistently, get to know strangers and gain a better understanding and empathy from this experience. (appropriately complex ideas) As stated in my first point, it is essential to consider (formal style) how much tourism influences the economy in more destitute countries. (relevant vocabulary)
- you didn't specify which of the two issues is more important in relation to global tourism
Content: 4-5/5
have you answered the question?
All content is relevant to the task. Target reader is informed.
- local economies- commented
- international understanding- commented
You should explain which point is more important, giving reasons in support of your answer- not cleary indicated
- you didn't specify which of the two issues is more important in relation to global tourism
Communicative Achievement: 4/5
have you completed the task in the right sort of language?
The language register is consistently appropriately formal and evaluative most of the time (slips) Evaluative language
- avoid using contractions in formal writing such as "don't," "can't," and "isn't.
- avoid personal and direct language (WE, YOU) it is not appropriate; Formal & Informal Style (video)
Communicates straightforward and complex ideas, as appropriate.
The organisation: 4-5/5
have you structured your writing properly?
The candidate demonstrated clear and coherent organization of ideas, utilizing the most appropriate and effective structure for the given task.
Ideas are balanced appropriately, with suitable attention and space given to each one.
Use introductory phrases - begin each paragraph appropriately, introducing the reader to the content, for example "It is important to begin by acknowledging that., Another factor to consider is"
Language: 5/5
have you used a good range of grammar and vocabulary?
Errors, if any, have no effect on communication
Vocabulary is used appropriately to the topic; common phrases relevant to the specific task are used
Text uses suitable grammatical structures (conditionals, relative clauses, passives, modal forms and tense contrasts)
Score: 18/20 Grade: C1/C2
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