Writing - Part 1 - B2 First (FCE) - Practice, Write & Improve
Exam Question:
Type: Essay
Your teacher has asked you to write your response to the following statement taken from a recent newspaper article:
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Do you agree that community service works better than fines?
Write about:
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Write your essay using all the notes.
Student's Answer:
In the vast majority of occurrences, community service works better than fines.
Being slightly late to work, meeting with friends, or even to a date, we may slightly brake the rules, traffic rules. The most common disobey may be crossing an intersection at the red light. If we had enough time, we’d never break the traffic rules, but. In my opinion, the consequences should work in the same direction. Next time we will think twice before breaking the rules, as the consequence of spending much more time and effort by providing community services instead of fines.
In a lot of instances, the fines it’s not sufficient enough to create for us great long-lasting memory and willingness not to go against the law. But the sorrow and regret after some community services will definitely do so.
Community service it’s not bangle-watching and provides time for us to think about deeds we’ve done. As the consequence, you may have to rethink your approach to your life and attitude toward the law.
All things considered, I could not agree more with the thesis that community service works better than fines.
Feedback:
In the vast majority of occurrences incidents/cases, community service works better than fines.
Occurrences - sounds odd in this context. The introduction could be a bit longer at the expense of the first paragraph
Being slightly late to work, meeting with friends, or even to date, we may slightly brake the rules, traffic rules. (Repetitive language - slightly .. slightly .. rules. rules) (use linking words) As an illustration, the most common disobedience may be crossing an intersection at the red light. If we had enough time, we'd never break the traffic rules, but. In my opinion, (Leave opinions for the summary; combine these the consequences should work in the same direction. (use linking words) Therefore, next time we will think twice before breaking the rules, as the consequence of spending much more time and effort by providing community services instead of fines.
In a lot of instances, the fines it's are not sufficient enough to create for us (avoid personal language) great long-lasting memory and willingness not to go against the law, but (long sentences are recommended in an essay) the sorrow and regret after some community services will definitely do so.
Community service it's is not bangle-watching (use formal language) and provides time for us to think about deeds we've done. As the consequence, you may have to rethink your approach to your life and attitude toward the law.
All things considered, I could not agree more with the thesis that community service works better than fines."
Good summary and appropriate linking word (All things considered)
Content: 4/5
have you answered the question?
- effort and time
- lesson learned
- ………………(your own idea)
Communicative Achievement: 4/5
have you completed the task in the right sort of language?
The organisation: 4/5
have you structured your writing properly?
The essay is very nicely organized; The introduction could be a bit longer at the expense of the first paragraph
Language: 4/5
have you used a good range of grammar and vocabulary?
There are errors, typos, punctuation and grammar in places, but they do not affect communication
Score: 16/20 Grade: B2
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