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Writing - Part 1 - B2 First (FCE) - Practice, Write & Improve

Exam Question:

Type: Essay

In your English class you have been talking about old people in society. Now your English teacher has asked you to write an essay.

Around the world, people are living and staying healthy for longer and longer. What changes does this bring to today’s society? Are these changes good or bad?

Write about:

1.  Caring for the elderly
2.  Jobs
3.  __________ (your own idea)

Write your essay using all the notes.

 

Student's Answer:

“Nowadays older people live much more. Older people can share their experience with younger people, but do younger people want to learn with them?

A big issue is the need for caring the elderly. It is not easy to find people who want to take care for older people. With people living and staying healthy for longer and longer the needs of the society are changing and the age of retirement is growing.

The younger people may not be very happy with that because they can think the older people is getting their jobs. With people living more there are news jobs created. Some of the older people need who take care of them. So there are new jobs opportunities being created.

In my opinion this society change have good and bad things. If new jobs can be created also a bigger population can be problem to feed and to take care. The main thing, I think, is the opportunity that younger people will have to learn with eldest people.”

Feedback:

Nowadays older people live much more. (awkwardness of expression) Older people can share their experience with younger people, but do younger people want to learn from them?

(use linking words) First and foremost...a significant issue is the need for caring the elderly. It is not easy to find people who want to take care of older people. (use linking words) Moreover, with people living and staying healthy for longer and longer (do not copy the text - use your own words) the needs of society are changing and the age of retirement is growing.

(use linking words) On the other hand, the younger people may not be very happy (use more advanced vocabulary) with that because they can think the older people are getting their jobs. With people living more (incorrect style) there are news jobs created.(use linking words) In addition, some of the older people need who take care of them. (incorrect style) So As a result, there are new job opportunities being created.

In my opinion, this social change has good and bad things. If new jobs can be created also a bigger population can be a problem to feed and to take care. The main thing, I think, is the opportunity that younger people will have to learn with the eldest people." (style/issues/unclear)


Content: 3-4/5
have you answered the question?

1.  Caring for the elderly
2.  Jobs
3.  __________ (your own idea) - not commented

Communicative Achievement: 2-3/5
have you completed the task in the right sort of language?

The register is consistently appropriate.

There are stylistic errors that affect the reception of the text.

There are not many complex ideas expressed, which does not allow enough flexibility to be demonstrated.

The organisation: 3-4/5
have you structured your writing properly?

The essay is clearly organised into paragraphs, which each deal with one idea.

Add linking words - (words or phrases that show the relationship between paragraphs or sections of a text or speech).
Linking words and phrases

Language: 3/5
have you used a good range of grammar and vocabulary?

Vocabulary
There is a sufficient range of vocabulary, including less common lexis.

Grammar
There is narrow range of simple and more complex grammatical forms which are used with control and flexibility.

Lack of control in the use of certain grammatical forms. There are grammar mistakes

Errors are noticeable and meaning not always can be determined.

Score: 11-12/20 Grade: B1+/B2-

 

Useful Links: 

Linking words and phrases

Organisational patterns

Topic sentences (video)

Improve your writing skills and text cohesion (video)

Adam Stave
Editor - engxam.com

*We try to asses your assignments in accordance with the official guidelines. However, we cannot guarantee that you will receive this exact grade in the exam.
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